“Glaciers in the moonlight. Yoga overlooking Himalayas. Crazy traffic, fumes, nausea… wanting to get out. Cranky. Tired. Stay with the group. Walk luggage to hotel. Cold, no heat, limited water. Kirtan in reception room.”
Olivia Jeffers, Journal Entry 10/11-12: Uttarkashi to Gangotri
“Bought glove-mittens and fleece lined jacket from Nepali couple, as did most of our group! I was happy about this. Story time with Vish and Sri vrindavan group, I could barely stay awake. “Blue lotus blossoms in the heart through grief” – about the kaliyuga, the time period we are in where most people forget spiritual nature. Hike to baba in cave. Dip in Ganga with Alison at 5pm. From Gopi, pilgrimage to Ganga or Bhakti is devotion, love for Ganga, not selfishly asking for removing sins. People like to dress up Ganga by putting scarves and jewelry in the River. Kirtan bracelets setting an intention for our hike. Letting go, offering service to Ganga. Prayer, action.”
Journal Entries, 10/13-14: Hike to Gomukh, 3 Days Trek
10/13 Hike to base camp. 9km. Sandals. Headache. Tired, thirsty. Altitude. Marma massage from Prema. Went to bathroom, ate sweets, drank water, napped – feeling lots better. Word is surrender. Got water from the Ganga with Alex. Really nice getting to know everyone. We did a big Kirtan with Vish’s group in the yurt, and a big massage session earlier. I found myself wondering “how did this become my life? I am in a yurt that smells of peppermint where people are giving and receiving massage at the base of the Himalayan mountains in a pilgrimage to the source of the Ganga… and I am part of it, I am a functioning part of it.”
10/14: I had nearly no sleep, and my lungs were shot at the start of the 19km hike. I surrendered my watch and phone, letting go of time and photos and stories for the pilgrimage. We still don’t know exactly how long it was, but it took 12 hours. I was not sure if I was suffering from mountain sickness or coronavirus, since the symptoms and onset were so similar and one of our group had tested positive. I had a big cry, and felt a lot of achy-ing-ing on the back of my chest. Some memories to the last time I felt so tired, waking up in high school beyond exhausted each day just trying to stay awake, and never really being able to sleep. Alex helped me, and Evelyn gave me a piece of her knee tape.
My hips were so tight from sleeping cold in the bag that I couldn’t walk without knee pain. I eventually went in just socks for about 2km until my hips opened up and I went back to the boots. I was barely able to reach the source and immediately passed out under then on some rocks. I felt like I was in total surrender to the mountains.
Surrender was my word when introducing myself to the group doing kirtan in the group. On the first day my word was ‘healing’- it looks like I need to surrender to heal. While I was napping, half the group crossed the river to go to the glacier source. Michael told me a safe spot and Alison went with me as I quickly dipped three times into the ICE COLD FRESH MELT FROM THE GLACIER Ganga. We walked back at different paces, I ended up alone most of the portion as the sun began to set and eventually became dark and I used a head lamp.
It was beautiful… stunning and a blessing to be alone. I did what Gopi recommended which was to chant, to sing – to offer my love and my voice to the mountains in awe and love and devotion – I eventually settled on “Hare Krishna” to the tune of “Country Roads” – and it gave me courage and energy to finish the hike, especially in moments when I felt so fatigued I could barely continue. Or so sudden pangs of grief in my chest and back I felt I would fall to the ground. I learned on those 5 or so kilometers on my own, that I could be present with my grief AND feel love and devotion moving outward of my heart towards the big mountains.
It was like a flossing of my heart, in and out, front and back. Moving or massaging the grief, holding it. Not rushing or pushing it out, but knowing that with love I can bear it and make space for it.
– Olivia Jeffers, Journal Entry: Hike to Gomukh
The mountains are so big and so vast, shivas playground – the gateway to heaven – imagining like Gopi said, that the spirit of the gods are roaming and we are entering their domain.
“Revering nature is revering God”
Signage on the Pilgrimage Trail
One Indian pilgrimage group warned me of falling rocks – a herd of goats was moving above and the rocks were the size of softballs whizzing by – lethal hits. Their guide helped me by telling me when to go and stop. It felt like an adventure also trusting this person – whose language and culture I did not share. He was a trained trek guide and I could tell he had a sense of responsibility toward me. I ran then he said stop and I stopped – I looked up, more rocks – he saw the goats stop and the rocks stop – he said “go FAST” and I ran – as I got to the end, some smaller rocks whizzed by and I could feel them rush by my leg. It was incredibly intimate, putting my life into his hands. I thanked him with a namaste from afar and continued.
On returning it felt like I was chasing the sun through the gorge. I got to watch it go from light to dark, meeting fellow pilgrims passing – and when it got dark and everyone had their headlights, they looked like stars moving through the night. I quarantined myself on returning, as the descent eased some symptoms but I still felt sore in my chest and starting to cough. I slept alone in the tent and Alison and Prema helped get me food and water and extra sleeping bags to stay warm.
Journal Entry, 10/15: Winding Down the Mountains
I woke feeling better having had a somewhat warm (but still quite cold) evening. I filled my water bottle with water from the Ganga and almost slipped in, by stepping on a wet rock – which had frozen! It ended up being quite slippery and I barely managed to stay upright. We packed up then hiked the final 9 km to the hotel, then a bit more to get to the bus. After the hike, my condition deteriorated rapidly and quickly and I needed to be horizontal and warm and covered on the bus. Jaman recommended that I not take chai, as the milk would stick to my lungs and make worse coughing. I ended up sleeping flat on a little throne atop the luggage with multiple masks on, enjoying the bouncing and windows on all three sides. Johanna and Gopi unfortunately did not enjoy the winding mountain roads, and both vomited out the window. Not at the same time. It’s nice of Gopi to not need to know if I have coronavirus, and treating it as a bad cold. It’s nice to sort of expect something like this to happen, and not treat it as an abnormality, but as a part of life, and move on with it.
Bus ride from Gangotri toward Rishikesh. As we are coming down out of the high Himalaya – I can feel the busyness of mind returning. I want to write while I can still remember the high country of the mountains. I feel like I’ve developed a tolerance for cold and for icky-grief on my pilgrimage. Knowing that it won’t kill me I have some comfort, and associating it with a positive cleansing event. I feel like as soon as the back of my chest was warm, and I could really rest and relax my body, I started to feel a lot better.
“Dugar” – some way or another we will make it happen, “to adjust” – there will always be room for one more person on the bench no matter how many people keep coming.
From Prema, in response to Ed noticing that people were hammering red hot iron not even a couple inches from the white line on the road.
Journal Entry, 10/16: Peace by the Water, Confluence to Rishikesh
Woke early around 6am and enjoyed the lake with Prema and Alison. Watched eagles perch, play and compete on a tree in the lake. During yoga today I saw my reflection and felt grateful that my body was healthy instead of grateful that my body was beautiful. I also felt a great relief and sorrow at realizing the last time I felt loved and connected in a group or family was in the passing moments and meals with my family in China, and how fleeting it is – how I can’t speak the language, how the time there was lost due to illness, or concern over illness. We shared reflections, and one thing that came up was how this group helped us each shed layers we otherwise wouldn’t have been able to face. We stopped at a 1200 year old temple for lunch and were served a delicious lunch – I wanted to drink the cucumber Raita, but needed to go easy and adjust to the microbiome.
Visited confluence of the blue and brown sources of the Ganges. I felt like I could have stayed and watched the whole day. I feel like that space all the swirls represents me. We later stopped by a silent meditation cave.
Map: Uttarkashi to Gangotri
Scroll to Zoom out to see where these places are in reference to your home and other landmarks.
Glossary
Puja: to worship with garlands, icons or money
Darshan: to see and be seen by the gods
Kirtan: devotional song, often in call and response, “wake up the sleeping soul”
Polymorphic Monotheism: various deities represent multiple faces of universal God
- Each deity is an energy
- Creator, Preserver, Destroyer
- God is the divine being, goddess is divine power (energy)
- Krishna is god at play, Vishnu is god at work
Trip Information
The trip was run and organized by Gopi Kinnicutt, owner of Bhakti Yoga DC. The trip was managed by Prema Nanda and Radha Sheran. Skillful driving through the mountains was by Nassim. Himalayan trek guides (Jaman Singh, WhatsApp +91-89790-49706) and many porters carried our camp 9km to set up tents and kitchen for hot food. Many people were involved in arranging our transportation and lodging. Photos used were taken by everybody in the group, especially Prema, Alex, Lauren, Ande, Shannon and Johanna. Thank you!
Questing for Coherence 