Internet – Questing for Coherence

Somewhere between the Thakek Loop in Laos and Danang Bay in Vietnam… my friend forwarded me a job listing – and the email traveled in minutes all the way from Princeton, NJ to my phone in Four Thousand Islands in the South of Laos.

One really shaky Skype call later and after sending my resume over email – I stopped being a freelancer and I entered the ranks of the employed. I’ve been grinding the last two months in Bangkok, working with an amazing product and marketing team. Last month I visited Bagan in Myanmar, and last week we set up a project in Kirtipur, Nepal.

I’ve been so blessed – but also have struggled immensely over the last few months. It’s easy to lose myself in the distraction of technology or endless tasks. It’s tough to simply surrender and accept the unpleasant things in life. To let the past go. To focus on the present and the future.

I’ve been deeply influenced by Buddhist philosophy – from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, to wanting to go to Vipasana – and attending a class at the Rangjung Yeshe Institute.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s too late though. Moments like today when my heart spasmed for 20 seconds and I started to feel dizzy. In that moment I thought my heart wouldn’t start beating again, and I was excited at the thought that it might not. I know a candle that burns brightly, burns out faster.

I’ve done a lot, traveled a lot, experienced a lot. I feel like an old woman inside. And biologically, stress makes you age more – the telomeres divide and shorten faster. I know that my stress levels are regularly 10x what is healthy.. but it’s the life I choose.

Mom, Dad, Sonia – I love you. This is in case my heart actually does stop beating tonight. And everyone else, I love you too! It’s been a great ride in this collective boat of humanity. Each day is a blessing, full of both pain and pleasure. Full of samsara. I am sorry to the people who I’ve hurt.

(Alex McGlothlin, I was really mean to you and you didn’t deserve it – and I’m sorry.)

(Jeff Liu, I was also inconsiderate and selfish and you were a great person and great friend. I really love you and hope all is well)

❤ the world, the universe, humanity – and am ready for whatever adventure comes next. Whether it’s another day in this life, or something else beyond. 🙂

I had intended to finish my design and code portfolio and also keep writing while traveling. My sister’s husband also had work to do that required Internet connection, so a consistent Internet connection was important to all of us.

But after a two week trip to Ko Samui, where I nearly became an IT professional troubleshooting problem after problem with Internet connection, I am beginning to wonder how much I should really be pushing for the Internet.

We spent so much time waiting for pages to load, resetting routers, climbing up rocks and jerry-rigging old boards to place the router where it could better fish for signal – I woke up each morning thinking, “Is the Internet working?”

And all this time I was staying here (below). In a beautiful mountain/jungle/beach and all I was thinking about was my email and getting frustrated that I couldn’t get any connection.

On the last few days, after getting ill from a little too much communal water drinking, and being forced to just lay around doing nothing, I decided to forego my computer and phone. I often found myself alone looking off the balcony, while other people were on their phones, and I realized how crazy it is that we get so sucked in.

On the last night, I just hung out and talked with my sister – because, guess what? The Internet wasn’t working. And it was one of the first times we’d connected in quite a few years.

Makes me think that, maybe instead of fighting the Internet, that I should have just been enjoying the ride.

Questing for Coherence

Working out my spiritual muscles, taking life one moment at a time at the edge of science and the human experience

Category: Internet

A Working Nomad Now

Connecting without the Internet